So I was abused during my childhood which I don’t think helped with the path I ended up going down next.
Two years ago, I was in an abusive relationship. I was being hit and he left marks all up my arms. I used to tell myself “its fine Laura this normal” ….. a way I had learned through my past and experiencing the same thing. Things were good sometimes. Well I thought they were, but then got to the point where I felt like I was doing everything wrong and I could do nothing right .. my self-esteem was so low, I never felt so crap and low quite like this before. I used to be scared when he came home because I never knew what mood he would be in …. I have never really been able to speak about this side of my story before as I have been too scared to voice it, in case I got back lash from it. He used to say no one will believe you stupid women, but then there would be times when he said he loved me and cared about me... little did I know this was him controlling me in both with Physical and Mental Abuse.
I couldn’t see my friends and couldn’t leave the house apart from work as he would get paranoid and think I was cheating on him or that he had no control over my actions.
I can’t explain how many times I kept covering it up, saying “its ok for him to leave marks on my body and this is normal.” I wish I never ended up on this path, I wish now, looking back that I didn’t cover it up and just spoke out, like what I am doing now. I wish I had a voice back then, to say, enough is enough, to walk away from all the hurt he had caused me that has left me physically and mentally scared.
I still struggle every day to accept myself. I know this will be a long battle but if I can share my story and help others speak out like I couldn’t all those years ago then, I know many more people will overcome their battle like I’m trying to do every day.Laura Xx